


It’s Crack O’clock!

by Offended_dot_png



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Ann writes fanfiction, Crack, DanPlan - Freeform, M/M, Melodify - Freeform, Swearing, [REDACTED], actuallyoddplan - Freeform, like way too much fucking swearing, this has zero substance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:49:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23198860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Offended_dot_png/pseuds/Offended_dot_png
Summary: Stephen tries his hardest to confess his feelings for Hosuh. This is only tagged as “teen” because of the gratuitous swearing.
Relationships: Hosuh Lee/Stephen Ng, Jay Ko/Stephen Ng
Comments: 9
Kudos: 21





	It’s Crack O’clock!

**Author's Note:**

> Alrighty, this is my first time posting a fic on this website. Please know that this is not meant to insult any writers of DP, ANP or AOP fanfiction; I just like writing bullshit. Enjoy!

Stephen woke up to golden rays of light shining over his dark, mysterious purple eyes. His “Knives Are Too Informal” shirt perfectly complemented his matching sweatpants and even his socks, the soles emblazoned with the same phrase.

“I am going to stab a bitch,” he mumbled psychotically, standing up to take a shower and get ready for the day ahead. It would be a big day for him: he finally had a plan to profess his undying love for the feminine Hosuh. “Oh Hosuh, my only senpai!” Stephen yelled this in a sociopathic manner as he stared at his 23 photos of Hosuh Lee. It was just the same picture in different frames with unique Instagram filters. He smiled chaotically. Secretly, Stephen was a yandere, but only Jay knew because he was also yandere.

On the way to take a shower, Stephen stubbed his toe on a nearby table. He took out a knife from his ass and stabbed a large gash into the furnished wood, muttering menacingly under his breath “fucking bitch-ass motherfucker”. 

^^ time skip because lolz ^^

Jay stared yandereily at Hosuh, his feminine hair swaying over his majestic, light blue, angelic, soft, majestic eyes. The psycho sighed; why should Stephen have him and not himself? Why couldn’t Stephen senpai finally notice him?! He grunted like the mad wolves he had living inside of him, both wolves being gay.

“What’s the matter?” Hosuh asked femininely. “Why are you grunting? You were grunting. Why did grunt?”

He sighed in a yandere fashion; the day was already too taxing to Jay. “It’s nothing, you wouldn’t understand.”

Hosuh looked as deeply into Jay’s mortal soul as he possibly could, trying to rip the truth from his fragile heart. Just to think, if he wanted, he could reach his fist inside his chest and tear it-

Why am I thinking like this?!? The feminine boy asked himself in his head so Jay couldn’t hear, because if you ask things out loud, people will hear it and think you’re crazy. Am I secretly becoming insane, just like my senpai, Stephen? He shook his head. No! That could never happen. Haha jk jk... unless?

The question hung in the air as Stephen came to meet them in their 8-bedroom, 5-bathroom, indoor pool-having house. Hosuh blushed femininely as his crush stared at him with his completely black eyes. Stephen evilly cracked a smile at the innocent cinnamon roll. 

“Hey dumb motherfuckers, we should play goddamn truth or dare!”

“That sounds like a fun idea, Stephen; who should go first?” Jay and Hosuh said at the same time. Nobody pointed out that this was weird, because it wasn’t. 

Hosuh seemed to think of something in a feminine way. “Should I call over Ann and [REDACTED]?”

Stephen waved a hand insanely. “You can ask fucking Ann, but I don’t want to see [REDACTED] ever shitting again!” A vein bulged in his temple at the thought. Another one bulged on his left hand, joined soon by a third calf vein. 

The pink-haired girl came through the nearest window in a short fashion, her short legs covered by bright pink leggings. “Wassup, homosexuals?!” She shipped JayStoSuh but would never admit it, except on her Tumblr page, where she made multiple homoerotic fanfictions. The more she called her friends “gay”, the sooner they’d hook up. 

“Ayyye, my favorite cishet!” Hosuh called out. He hugged her femininely as she stepped inside. “It’s truth or dare time!”

“Before that-“ Ann took in a deep breath, preparing to yell “ALEXA: PLAY DESPACITO!” The song popped to life, setting an appropriate atmosphere. 

They sat it a circle on the cold, hard floor, ignoring the perfectly comfortable chairs that would encourage snuggling. Instead, Jay sat next to Stephen, leaning his head on his shoulder and sighing until someone gave him attention. It was the stupid gay wolves inside him acting up again. 

“Jay, what’s the matter?” Hosuh asked. He actually hoped something was severely wrong with Jay. 

H-huh?! I’m turning evil!!!! Tears threatened to spill out of his sexy, alluring, gentle lapis eyes. 

Stephen crazily felt jealous about all the attention Jay was getting, despite Hosuh only saying four fucking words to him. “I think Jay just has fucking bullshit in his multicolored eyes. I’ll fucking get it out for you, buddy!” He pulled yet another knife from his ass in order to get the offending object out, but Jay pulled back just in time. He secretly wanted Stephen to stab him, but now was not the time for explicit activities. 

“Ann, truth or dare?” Jay asked, repositioning himself. 

She considered the question for a second before responding “dare!”

“I dare you to call [REDACTED] and confess your love for him.”

Ann blushed, shortly and reluctantly picking up her pink, glittery phone case. She dialed her second contact. 

“Hey, [REDACTED]!”

“Hįëłll0,ggæ ,,,$êłaaa”

“I’m doing ok, but I have something important to tell you.” The three boys snickered, Stephen doing so in a psychotic manner. “I love you.”

“.;;;Qüoôœp-“

“PRANK’D! Get fucked!” She abruptly hung up, blushing from short embarrassment. “Hosuh, truth or dare?”

“Oh, fr*ck it: dare. I am not usually one to pick dare, because dares always result in romantic exploitation,” he responded in a feminine manner. 

“Kiss the hottest person in the room!”

His perfect, pristine, crystal blue eyes nervously scanned the room, until they landed on one sociopathic man. He crawled over to Stephen, feminine hips swaying side to side. “C-c-c-can I... kiss y-ou?”

Stephen only nodded maniacally. 

They shared a tender kiss, sparks flying from the heat they shared. Hosuh nervously pulled back. He femininely ran his fingers through Stephen’s crazed purple hair. 

“Did you fucking enjoy it?”

“O-ÓwÒ?” He turned his head away, playing with his hair like Yuri from Doki Doki Literature Club (SEE I CAN HAVE SUBTLE SYMBOLISM). “Of c-cour-ourse, senpai.” The feminine boy scuttled back to his spot next to Ann, who had a nosebleed and was already planning her next batch of fanfiction. 

“Jay, t-“

“Dare! Yes, I will kiss Stephen!” Jay leapt on Stephen, connecting their lips in a yandere fashion. Hosuh and Ann stared, the former femininely, the latter shortly, Hosuh feeling some very not cash money emotions swirling inside him. 

He’s stealing my senpai! Oh, Jay, you have a lot of nerve, I oughta strangle-

“YOU LITERALLY TOOK MY FUCKING BREATH AWAY! EVERY TIME I TRIED TO BREATHE IN, YOU INHALED REALLY HARD AND SUCKED ALL THE AIR UP LIKE A GODDAMN VACUUM. CUNT.”

Jay smirked like the yandere gay wolf he was, staring into Stephen’s airless red eyes. He stopped smirking when the man he kissed kicked him in the dick. Well, where his dick should be; it’s actually just a pack of cigarettes, because smoking is cool and Jay is cool, so he smokes. Yes. 

Through the pain of having his cigarettes snapped in half, Jay asked “Hos, truth or dare?”

“I will pick truth. This is the answer that is expected of me, and I am not one to subvert expectations.” This phrase is one he said femininely. 

“Why do you keep trying to steal Stevie away from me?!?!”

“You do not have ownership over my senpai! You can’t own a human, because owning a person is illegally illegal. Go to h*ck!” Ann gasped in a short manner; it is completely unlike Hosuh to swear. 

They bickered back and forth for nearly an hour before Stephen neurotically began to sob. Both fighting men stared at him, jumping up to comfort him, the yandere squeezing his hand, the feminine one wrapping him in a hug.

“What’s the problem, Stephen? Answer honestly- I care about you,” they said in unison. 

He sniffled, dangerous green eyes meeting those of everyone in the room, all three of them. [EXPUNGED] was not there. “I-I feel bad, driving a shitty wedge between you two because of how hella sexually alluring I am. You guys are such fucking bakas!” Stephen blushed psycho-neurotically as the two men held onto him tighter. “I can only be with one of you bastards, and... I’ve already made my choice.”

The both of them felt their eyes widen. Pairs of heterochromic and pristine, bright, holy blue eyes met in a surprised gaze. “Who?” Jay questioned.

He stared in a nutty manner at the carpeted floor. It reminded Stephen of his childhood, back when his siblings and him would roll down soft, grassy hills and swim in the nearby lake in the summer. Catching fireflies in the dead of night was always his favorite part of summers home alone. Not a soul to spy on his secretive wandering about, exploring untouched paths in the-

“I think he is too stuck in daydreaming, which is the action of having vivid imagery crop up in your mind while in the waking world,” Hosuh said. “Pick one.”

“I fucking choose you, Hosuh!” Certifiable tears streamed down his face as Stephen threw his hateful body on Hosuh’s, locking their gay lips in a kiss. 

“S-Stephen senpai!” The feminine man exclaimed. “I’m so happy! That is a positive emotion!” They giggled together as Jay watched them with mismatched irises, unblinking. 

“Good job, you two.”

“Thanks!” They chose to ignore how hollow his voice sounded. The new couple kissed gayly some more, until all three of them got too tired and decided to head to bed.

As all couples do before their first date, Stephen and Hosuh shared a bed. OwO? What’s that? Sexual tension! Jay seethed in his own room, plotting absolutely nothing of interest. OR WAS HE?!

**Author's Note:**

> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ   
> Authors note: I’m guessing most of you have already heard the song, but if not, this is Despacito.


End file.
